


Too Much Love

by futuregoogleceo



Category: Original Work
Genre: Abuse, Depressing, Dysfunctional Family, F/M, Familial Abuse, Gen, Hurt, POV Child, POV Third Person, Physical Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-07
Updated: 2014-01-07
Packaged: 2018-01-07 21:54:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1124810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/futuregoogleceo/pseuds/futuregoogleceo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>It's pretty depressing, so don't read it if you feel like it will bum you out.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Too Much Love

**Author's Note:**

> It's pretty depressing, so don't read it if you feel like it will bum you out.

Another white puffy cloud comes into view. This one looks like a bunny, she thinks. Most of them look like bunnies to her; the ones that don’t look like sheep or piglets. The sky is just a large blue farm teeming with bunnies today. The warm, yellow sun shines softly on her face, illuminating her bright green eyes, her freckles, and the birthmark on her cheek, the one she says looks like a star, but no one believes her. It’s a beautiful day, but to her all days are beautiful, even the rainy ones when she sits by the window and can’t go outside. She has been laying in the grass for quite a while, and now she realizes that it’s time to go home. Just five more minutes, she pleads. No, that’s enough. It’s time for supper, she responds to herself, unyielding. She plays both sides of the argument, mommy and daughter. She gets up off the ground, shakes her head vigorously, and brushes the grass and dirt off her baby blue dress. She sets off on a run, straight through the meadow. As she runs, she stretches out her arms, trying to take flight. Her chestnut curls bounce with each step, her ruby red shoes get marked with green lines and bits of brown, and her light summer dress flaps in the wind. Spring flows through her.

She reaches her house and opens the door without stopping, rushing inside. It’s never locked when she tries it. She stops just before tripping over the muddy black boots in the middle of the hall. They seem out of place in the clean and neatly arranged foyer. Daddy must be home. She closes her eyes and sniffs the air, trying to figure out what’s in the oven. There is no smell. She goes to the kitchen and puts her small hand next to the oven door, just like she has seen mommy do. It’s not warm. Muffled sounds for her parents’ room catch her attention. She shivers, and her smile vanishes. She leaves the kitchen and cautiously walks up to their door, afraid to make any noise. The sounds become clear and distinguishable, shouting and crying. She knows she’s not allowed inside, but she pushes the door open anyway.

Her brain tries to register the scene before her eyes. Daddy is still wearing the jeans and shirt he wears to work, except for the belt, which is in his hand. Mommy is sitting on the bed. Her eyes are red and swollen, and there are tears running down her cheeks. The pretty yellow dress mommy put on this morning is torn and speckled in dark stains.

“Mommy, why are you crying?” She asks.

A lump forms in her throat. She wants to cry now, too. Mommy wipes the tears from her cheeks and smiles. It’s not her real smile; it’s the one mommy puts on when daddy is home.

“It’s ok, Lisa. Daddy is just showing mommy how much he loves her,” mommy says.

She tries to smile, too. She thinks she understands what love is. Mommy is like a princess and daddy is her prince. She raises her big, innocent eyes to look at daddy. He doesn’t look like a prince, at least not any prince she’d ever seen. He just stands there, not saying anything. There is something about him that makes her want to look away.

“Go play in your room, honey. I’ll make dinner soon,” mommy says, snapping her back into reality.

She doesn’t want to go. She wants to stay with mommy; hug her. Reluctantly, she closes the door and drags her feet on the way to her room. Once inside, she makes sure to close the door securely behind her, then picks up one of her favorite picture books off the shelf and climbs onto the bed. She lays on her stomach, her chin resting on her hands and her legs flat against the sheets, not dangling in the air like they do when she’s happy. The book shows a prince in blue pants and a long white jacket with many shiny medals and a purple sash. His brown belt is around his waist. The princess has a glittering yellow dress. It’s not torn. She’s not crying. They’re both looking at each other, smiling. She hears more shouting and crying coming through the wall. They must not love each other like mommy and daddy do.

***

Mommy is wearing a dirty gray shirt and black pants, now. They are ugly. Mommy doesn’t touch any of the food on her plate. She wants to be just like mommy. She doesn’t touch the food on her plate, either. The food smells wrong. It looks wrong, too. This is not how mommy cooks. But... she is so hungry. The cold peas actually start looking pretty good, the ones she knows came from a dusty can in the back of the cupboard. Daddy is shoveling food into his mouth, eating everything without a second though. No one is talking. She takes a bite from her cold, dry sandwich, but just a little one. She finishes it. She scoops up some peas with her fork, and makes airplane sounds as she puts them in her mouth. Daddy looks up from his plate. She smiles at him. His expression doesn’t change much, but it looks almost like he smiles back. Mommy takes her plate and gets up from the table. Daddy snaps his head and glares at her. He clenches his jaw, and now he is definitely not smiling. He lets go of his food, and his hands tightened into fists. The room is frozen for a few moments. She looks from daddy to mommy and back, confused. Mommy sits back down.

***  
There are no bunnies on the big blue farm today; they are all at home, sleeping. She and a friend blow on dandelions instead. Soon enough, it looks like the air is filled with little clouds. They wear crowns made out of picked flowers and dance around dandelion clouds until it’s time to go home. They wave goodbye to each other and promise that they will meet again. She runs through the meadow back home. Her clean ruby red shoes get marked with green and brown again.

She reaches her house and opens the door without stopping, rushing inside. There is a tune in the air. It makes the hall seems warm, vibrant, inviting. Nothing is out of place. In the kitchen, mommy is singing while stirring a pot. Mommy’s wearing a white dress, like an angel. Do angels have black and blue marks on their arms? Do they have one puffy eye? Do they walk funny? Mommy hears her enter and turns around. Mommy smiles; a real smile.

“Mommy, what happened to your eye?” She asks.

“Don’t worry, Lisa. Mommy just had a little accident,” mommy replies dismissively.

Mommy pours steaming bright red soup into two bowls, and takes two golden-brown dishes of macaroni and cheese sprinkled with bread crumbs out of the oven. They smell like heaven. She runs and grabs two spoons for them. They both eat too soon and burn their tongues. They drop their spoons, look at each other and burst out laughing. While they wait for the food to cool, mommy tells a funny story about a witch and a pony named “Boots”. What a silly name for a pony. They laugh some more.

***

They play with her dolls. She only has girl dolls. Mommy makes the dolls say nice things to one another and hug all the time. Mommy shows her that you can just fix the red dress on her favorite doll. It’s almost like new. She jumps and hugs mommy’s neck.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, mommy,” she squeals.

It’s time to go to bed. Mommy helps her put on her pajamas and tucks her in. The bed seems warmer and softer with mommy around.

There is loud banging at the front door; loud enough to be heard clearly even in her room, which is the furthest from the door. Mommy stops smiling abruptly. Mommy gives her a kiss and leaves the room, but not before squeezing her hand tightly.

“I love you,” mommy says before closing the door.

There are banging noises outside her room. She hugs her bunny as tightly as she can, the way she does every time there is banging outside her room; too often. The banging suddenly stops. She crawls out of bed and lands barefoot on the cold tile floor. She tiptoes to the door and cracks it open. There’s a very strong smell, like the one that comes from the bottles under the sink, the ones she’s not suppose to know about. The banging returns and there is shouting now, too, but she doesn’t see anything. Mommy and daddy flash before her as daddy drags mommy by the hair into their room. She shuts the door and runs back to bed, pulling the covers over her head. She sits there, hugging her bunny as tightly as she can, tears streaming down her face. She can hear shouting and crying. An ear-piercing shriek cuts through the air. Then silence. She covers her ears trying to protect herself. She doesn’t know what’s worse, the shrieking or the silence. Daddy must be showing mommy how much he loves her.

***

Another white puffy cloud comes into view. This one looks like a kitten, she thinks. Most of them look like kittens to her; the ones that don’t look like puppies or sheep. The sun shines softly on her face, illuminating her bright green eyes and full cheeks. She squints at the sun, and tries to make shapes with her hands against its rays. It’s a beautiful day, but to her all days are beautiful. The light starts to fade, time to go home. She gets up off the ground and brushes the grass and dirt off her pink dress. She sets off on a run, out of the park and through the empty streets. As she runs, she stretches out her arms, trying to take flight. Her straight blonde hair flows behind her.

She reaches her house and stops. She removes the key from around her neck and unlocks the door. It’s always locked. She steps insider and almost trips over the perfectly polished brown shoes in the middle of the hall. Daddy must be home. She sniffs the air, trying to figure out what’s in the oven. There is no smell. She hears muffled sounds for her parents’ room. She shivers. She’s scared. She walks up to their door, and can now hear shouting and crying. She’s more scared. She knows she’s not allowed inside, but she opens the door anyway. Daddy is still wearing the suit he wears to work. Every one of his fingers has a ring on it. Mommy is sitting on the bed. Her eyes are red and swollen, and there are tears running down her cheeks.

“Mommy, why are crying?” She asks.

A lump forms in her throat. She wants to cry now, too. Mommy smiles. It’s not her real smile; it’s the one mommy puts on when daddy is home. Mommy wipes away the tears. It looks like mommy is trying to rub out the star on her cheek.

“It’s ok, Emma. Daddy is just showing mommy how much he loves her,” Lisa says.


End file.
